Hogwarts: The Master
by hide-N-seeker
Summary: Co-authored- Humor- When the fighting escalates, and the school has still yet to unite, there is only one thing to do... Force them all to unite of course! In very unwilling situations no less!


AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is co-authored / co-written by Hide-N-Seeker and Adrelliehs. Any questions or the like about the story, you can e-mail either one of us. Enjoy the show.

DISCLAIMER: Do you really need reminding? Neither Hide-N-Seeker nor Adrelliehs own Harry Potter or anything associated with it. -sniff- Hope you're happy...

Chapter One: Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

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_My life has been most fulfilling. I had been given the gracious opportunity to experience some of the most wonderful things throughout the years. I have seen the beauty of children's dreams become reality. I have been witness to the birth of love and friendship. Seen the joys of people working side by side for a greater good. What I believe to be one of mankind's greatest achievements. _

_I have watched closed souls open to heartwarming greetings. I have seen good people blossom into better people. I have been privileged to be present as people's struggle gave way to accomplishment and heartache gave way to elation. The bliss of youthful enthusiasm applied to aspiring goals. I have seen true loves first kiss._

_I have enjoyed seeing the next generation bring about a new a brighter future. I have basked in the peacefulness of good will. I have felt the kindness shared among true friends. I have observed the spirit of brotherhood and sisterhood and brosistherhood… Yeah… err… anyway…_

_Obviously to have bore witness to so much good in the world; I have lived for many years. Seen all that is best in mankind. So you see, the point is, this world is a truly lovely and wonderful place to-_

**BANG!**

**CRASH! **

**BOOM!**

_And then there is the dark side of the force…_

"POTTER!"

"MALFOY!"

_Aren't they cute? (Sarcasm Hint, hint)_

Harry began to grin as Malfoy's expression darkened ominously. "What? You mean its true? You middle name really is-"

"SAY IT AND DIE!" Draco said while pulling his wand from his sleeve.

Harry just laughed off the threat while turning his back on his second greatest enemy. Looking over to the Griffindore table, he waved his arms about with great enthusiasm. "Hey guys! You'll never believe what I just found out! Malfoy's middle name is-"

"STUPEFY!"

Harry ducked to the floor at the last moment, barely missing the curse. He scrabbled for his own wand, slightly disbelieving that Malfoy would dared to have attacked him right in front of the teachers in the Great Hall!

A little Hufflepuff first year watched the fight curiously before looking at the older Slytherin with a perplexed expression. "You're middle name is Stupefy?"

Still laughing, Harry jumped to his feel, glaring defiantly back at Malfoy. "Try that again! I dare you!" He prodded.

"STUPEFY! STUPEFY! STUPEFY! STUPEFY! STUPEFY!" Draco screamed off the top of his lungs. Potter, with a rather surprised look on his face, ran the other direction from the volley of stunner's.

"Hah!" Draco smirked.

_Sigh. Would you believe that these two were seventh years? On the very verge of graduating? On the cusp of adulthood? Neither would I. Unfortunately, they are._

_House rivalry is somewhat legendary around here. What is, in my opinion, one of the stupidest ideas in the history of stupid ideas. I mean honestly! Setting children against one another purposely! It has led to nothing but trouble really!_

**KA-BLAM!**

_See?_

"Oww! Potter! That really hurt!" Draco rubbed his arm, caught between pouting and glaring at his nemesis at the same time.

"That was kind of the point, Malfoy." Harry remarked. "Besides, you started it." Unable to resist the temptation, he stuck out his tongue out at him.

"Did not!" Malfoy argued.

"Did too!" Harry agued back.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not did not did not!"

_Oh, tell me they did not just descend of that kind of childish behavior…_

"Did too did too did too!"

_Yeah, they did._

"TARANTALLEGRA!" Harry scream back over Malfoy's continuous volley of stunners. Malfoy dodged the curse as it came close to hitting the Slytherin table behind him.

"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" Draco changed his strategy, throwing the curse at Potter, who skillfully fell backwards to avoid the curse as it hit the bench he had previously been in front of.

While the two boys worked on their now infamous rivalry, the rest of the student body gaped with growing concern. Hermione seemed to have been struck mute as she worked her mouth, trying to get over her shock and finish the lecture she had just been giving the first years about talking safety precautions on the grounds. After all, you never knew what might happen next…

Next to her, Ron seemed town between cheering for his best friend and screaming insults at Malfoy. Several students close to the action wisely scattered or shoved their house mates further down the benches to escape the escalating madness.

"ARGH!"

"HA HA!… OW!"

Professor Dumbledore quirked an eyebrow at the ensuing chaos. His twinkling blue eyes set on high. His strong will and determination to make the best of any situation, led him to decide that a little grudge match was just what the students needed to take their mind off the escalating war outside the school.

Though he was probably they only person who would think such a thing.

Spells continued to fly back and forth from Harry and Draco across the great hall. Where, curiously, none of the teachers had yet to do anything.

At the Ravenclaw table, a blonde, dreamed eyed girl watched the fight distantly. She lazily glanced about when something new caught her eye. Looking up, she noticed the growing amount of rain clouds that began to cover the previous blue sky of the enchanted ceiling. Standing up, she decided to point this strange phenomenon to Harry. He was their leader after all…

"Harry." Luna tapped the screaming Griffindore on the shoulder. Looking up, she saw the amount of dark clouds increase. The rolling waves of vapor muted the light and settled in rolling masses about the ceiling. When the gloom was sufficient enough to hamper sight the floating candles strewn across the Great Hall lit themselves up, though no one seemed to notice this.

"You think you scare me! Hah!" Harry continued too taught his enemy while throwing almost every curse he could think of at Malfoy.

"Harry." Luna tried again, pulling slightly at his shoulder in attempt to gain his attention. Harry shrugged her off. His sight set determinedly on Malfoy.

"You're too stupid to know when to be afraid!" Malfoy yelled back after throwing a few more hexes at Potter.

"Harry." Luna tugged a little harder on his shoulder and jerked the boy's arm, causing his last hex to veer wildly to the left where it stuck Blaise Zambini, who promptly turned a bright orange.

Blaise stood up, his face turning a darker shade of orange upon realization of what happened. His pride and joy! His long black hair that he took suck pride in was now ORANGE! Giving his best 'Snape Patented Death Glare # 5,' he took his wand out and threw a curse it at Potter.

The curse flew towards Harry and Griffindore table, where a fifth year Hufflepuff happened to be attempting an escape from the hall by sneaking around them. She was unfortunate enough that she didn't see the curse until it was too late.

Falling backward, she looked down in horror to see her face grow a three foot blue beard before it stopped growing. Standing up, she looked across the hall, knowing only the general direction from which the curse flew. Too startled and panicked to think strait, she threw a curse randomly at the Slytherin table.

The curse sounded something like 'fuffthuer' pronounced both incorrectly and with a horrendously shaggy blue beard muffling her speech. The intent however remained true as it hit a second year Slytherin, who found every spoon in the great hall now clinging to his forehead.

Luna looked up at the ceiling again, noticing that the clouds where now pitch black. The seemed to boil and steam in the air, small bolts of lighting crackling at the edges. The faint flashes of light illuminated the four corners of the ceiling where hairline cracks were beginning to show.

The poor second year Slytherin, frightened to see every spoon in the great hall flying toward him, yelled out the first spell that came to mind and forgetting to even point his wand correctly.

The hex flew across the hall, hitting an unsuspecting seventh year Ravenclaw who was too immersed in talking notes on the incentive ways Harry was now exploiting the Wingardium Leviosa charm, to see that the fight was spreading and that he was directly in the path of a curse.

Looking down he could only watch in growing horror as his cloths shrunk and changed to the point where it looked like he was wearing spandex or a costume that came out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

He turned in supplication to the teacher, begging for help with his eyes. What he found there was not encouraging in the least. His own head of house was peaking at them from under the front table and the other teachers were all caught between staring at the gleeful look on the headmaster's face, and the horrified ones of the students.

Luna watched as the hairline cracks continued to grow as if it were getting more and more annoyed with the happenings of its surroundings. "Harry?"

"Albus! ALBUS!" Minerva McGonagal called over to the headmaster, who was watching the fight escalate with that damned twinkle in his eyes. "Shouldn't you DO something!" She shook his shoulder.

_Yes! DO something, you old coot! It's about time too! I was beginning to think that there was no hope left for you… wait a second… WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_

"Indeed. Perhaps you are right." Dumbledore leaned towards the now gaping deputy headmistress and waggled his wand loosely in his hand at her.

Her carefully pinned and smoothed bun unraveled and sprung up on her head into a two-foot Afro. Her hands rushed up as she felt the change, her sour expression becoming more resigned until she heard it. Four seats down to the left, someone was 'sniggling' at her! (1)

Minerva wasn't head of Griffindore house for nothing! Twisting her body around, she glared her own patented 'McGonagal Punishment Glare # 4" at none other than the snarky Potions Master himself.

She didn't even bother to reprimand the Slytherin, and instead whipped out her wand and transfigured Snape's dark black robes into a tight fitting pink tutu. Of course she had conveniently forgotten about the charm he had set to make his robes billow out behind him evilly so the skirt kept flouncing about his hips.

_Hehehe! No. NO! Grrr… This is not helping! You're supposed to be ADULTS! AM I COMPLETELY SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS?_

Luna was fixated on the ceiling, and had taken no noticed of the chaos around her. The cracks began to grow larger and faster, the whole castle almost seemed to vibrate as the dark clouds emitted large amounts of silent lightning. "Haaaaarrrrrrry…"

_I ask you, could it get any WORSE?_

Then, a stray hex hit the wall near the teachers.

_OH, THEY DID NOT JUST SCRATCH MY WALL!_

Suddenly, the whole castle began to shake, making everyone stop in their fight with each other in fear. Was it an attack? Everyone looked to the teachers for guidance, only to see several of them vanish before their very eyes with only a whisper, except for Snape, he left bellowing…

Many students began to panic as they witnessed other teachers and students vanishing in random groups. The silent disappearances grew in number as the shaking of the castle increased.

"POTTER! WHAT DID YOU DO!" Draco screamed and advanced on shaking legs toward the other.

"ME?" Harry roared. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

With a single reverberating bang, every door and window in the castle shut and locked of its own accord.

The lights in the Great Hall flickered out, throwing everyone into complete darkness for several minutes. The whole of Hufflepuff cried out in unison, but just as suddenly, the cries were extinguished as they too vanished from the remainder of the students.

When the lights flickered on, about one quarter of the schools population remained. Consisting mainly of Griffindore's and Slytherin's. Where everyone else had gone was a mystery to them. And no one could shake the ominous feeling that settled over the school

_I tried to warn you. The Sorting Hat tried to warn you! EVEN FAWKES TRIED TO WARN YOU! But no one listened! Well you are going to listen now. I am going to unite you people and make you work together, even if it KILLS YOU! MWAHAHAHAHA!_

Luna, as though feeling the castles anger and hostility, could only comment. "Ouch."

"So…" Ron sucked in a shuddering breath and came out from where he was hiding behind Hermione. He looked the pale girl in the eyes as she shoved her bushy hair out of her face. "What happened?

Hermione glared at him. "I don't know everything Ron!" She hissed angrily.

"You don't?" He sounded surprised. He turned to Harry, who was still giving Malfoy the evil eye. "What about you? Do you know what happened?"

"Not a clue." Harry Snarled and pointed at Malfoy. "But I'm sure its his fault!"

Draco snarled back and lifted his wand to curse Harry again, only to find that it wasn't in his hand. He immediately panicked. "Where's my wand!"

Harry laughed. "Aww, poor little… hey, where my wand!" Harry cried out and fell to his knee's searching under the nearest table.

Luna reached up to find that her own wand was no longer tucked behind her ear. "Gone." She shrugged as if it didn't matter.

_What's the matter? Lose something? Hehehe…_

Everyone in the room suddenly dived into their pockets, their bags, their sleeve's, one boy chanced a look down his pants, searching for his own wand. Wincing at the rather expected look a girl was giving him. Everyone came up empty handed.

"Oh Merlin!" A Slytherin girl yelled. "What are we going to do!"

Luna tilted her head to the side and regarded the other girl with a dreamy look. "Do?" She questioned. "What would you normally do?"

"I'd be eating dinner." Ron muttered and rubbed his stomach. They had never actually gotten around to the feast. He was ignored.

Harry and Draco were starring at their hands mournfully. The other students shifted uncomfortably. Many had never been without their wands or without and adult with a wand. They were unnerved to find themselves helplessly sitting in the remains of the Great Hall, with no magic, and no authority figure to direct them.

_Hmm… Still too many students here, I think. I shall have to remedy that._

Hermione settled her hands on her hips and glared all around. She opened her mouth to go into lecture mode but what came out was, "I…you…they…Professor's…and then…Merlin!" as the full gravity of the situation hit her.

"Right. Exactly. Whatever you say Mione." Ron patted her on the back and nodded his head. Not even listening to her as his brain went into stand by whenever she talked.

Just when they were starting to calm down, the castle shuddered a few more times and several more students faded from view. Luna glanced up at her friends and waved cheerily at them as she disappeared. "See you guys later."

_That should do it. Lets see what they do now, when they only have each other to rely on. And when they behave, I may just turn everything back to normal… maybe! This will put a stop to house rivalry once and for all!_


End file.
